Just Because

By Jeff Alexander

When I was getting ready to start college my Father gave me one of the most important pieces of career advice I have ever received. He told me that I was going to school to gain knowledge, but I must try not to forget the people I would meet. He emphasized that the people I would meet would become the most important asset I would have as I built my career.

After I opened my business it became very apparent that just sending out flyers or putting an ad on the radio wasn’t going to make my business successful. I soon realized that the relationships I was forming and the friends of those people was what was making the difference.

Not too long after starting my business, I attended a convention and heard Harvey McKay speak. He had just written the book “Swim with the Sharks”, which is all about building relationships. Back then he was trying to get people to develop their Rolodexes and learn as much about the people they were doing business with as possible. This was another great piece of advice and very similar to what my Father had told me, but it still wasn’t sinking in deep enough.

AS the years have passed, I think I’m finally figuring things out. I’ve had a lot of experience in business, community activities, politics and family life and there is no doubt that our success revolves around the people and the relationships we value. It doesn’t matter how much technology changes and drives business, we all still need relationships to be successful in life. And in today’s world, we have allowed emails and text messages to substitute for personal contact, and relationships are quickly eroding.

I love what Jeffrey Gitomer, a sales trainer, says about relationships and how we should value people.
“Giving value and adding value are words that many salespeople and sales executives have a difficult time in understanding, let alone providing. Most people think that value is all about something the company adds. Some small additional service, something tacked onto the product, a slight reduction in price, even something free. Wrong.

These things are promotions, not values. Value is something done for the customer, in favor of the customer. In my case, I have found that it is most effective to give value first. And give it without expectation, and give it often, and give it without expectation and give it to your best prospects. And did I mention give it without expectation?” (from Jeffrey Gitomer, “Little Red Book of Selling”)

Now, I really believe this is our key to lasting and true success -- giving value, or service, first without any expectation of getting anything in return.

As far back as I can remember, one of the big marketing acronyms has been, “WIIFM”. We have all probably heard it before. “What’s In It For Me”. That really is what most people in our world are looking for and after they find it, they are gone. No real, lasting or productive relationship can ever be formed on this mindset. A one-time sale may be made by showing your customer what’s in it for them, but the salesman or company that earns the repeat sales is the one that forms a relationship. And the relationship I am talking about is even more than Win/Win, it is based on caring, serving and even love.

The biggest obstacle to the type of relationship I’m talking about is when we look at the people we meet as only stepping stones to building our business. We’ve all seen or been the person I’m talking about. You’ve seen these people at many business or social functions. They enter a reception, and the first thing they do is scan the room to see who is there. Maybe the only reason they came was to meet certain people. The average person isn’t who they’re looking for. They want the big name influencer that can help their business grow faster. What they don’t realize is that everybody is an influencer, and if they feel appreciated enough or feel like somebody cares enough they might share some of their influence.

Treating people only as a business tool is practicing relationship arrogance, one of the nine principles that lead to or destroy strong relationships discussed in a new book titled, “The City of Influence”.

I hate to admit it, but as I read this book I realized that I have been guilty of practicing relationship arrogance at times. The years have taught me that it is better to value everybody and not rush by some because they may not seem important. Sometimes we walk past opportunities to know great people because we think somebody has more influence.

Another principle from the book, “The City of Influence” is helping people, “just because”. A friend of mine told me a story about his son, Cory, and how he helped somebody just because he wanted to. Cory was out of town on business. While he was in the process of getting his rental car, he overheard another man trying to rent a car. This man had made a reservation, but the rental agency didn’t have record of the reservation and there were not cars available. This man and his wife were stuck at the airport hours away from their destination. Cory walked over, apologized for overhearing the conversation and asked offered these people a ride to their destination. When the man realized their detination was almost two hours out of Cory’s way, he tried to decline the assistance, wondering why this stranger would be so willing to help. Cory’s response was that others had helped him and he had the time, so why shouldn’t he offer. Obviously the man and his wife were very appreciative. Cory didn’t think anything of it but a few weeks later the man he had given the ride to called him and offered him a much better job than he presently had.

Now Cory wasn’t looking for a job, and he didn’t have any ulterior motive in offering the ride. He just wanted to help somebody that was in a bind. We all have opportunities to help others many times in our lives. The problem is that too often we feel we don’t have time, can’t afford it or we don’t really know that person in need. Instead we need to do it “just because” it’s the right thing to do.

A wise person I know taught me a great way to know if I am “looking to serve”. He said that if we were in a real hurry to get something at the store and had to park way out because of the crowds, the number of people we saw needing help or reached out to on our way in was a good indicator of our desire to serve.

Recognizing that building business relationships that last is important, yet lacking in today’s world, businesses are being created to help people learn this art. One of those businesses is Corporate Alliance. They believe that business is all about relationships and their purpose is to facilitate the opportunity for relationship building. This is the company that recently released the book, “The City of Influence”. They try to put people in situations where they can work together and in the process learn about each other. When we have the opportunity to learn about others, we are more aware of their needs when an opportunity might come our way. It gives us the ability to serve them, “just because”.

Zig Ziglar made the statement, “You can get anything you want providing you help enough other people get what they want”. It is time for all of us to look out for others and help where ever we can. It isn’t easy, especially when we begin to hear about an economy that isn’t as strong as it was. Our normal reaction may be to take a defensive position and look out just for ourselves, when that is especially the best time to be serving others and giving value first. That will be the time when we’ll want to know and have built relationships that we can call on to help us. These will be the people that will want to step up and help. In fact, they will probably be doing it without you asking since they will be looking for opportunities to help, “just because”.

I have a great friend, Marlon Snow, who built his entire business on friendships. Marlon has always been one who helped and helped, even when it may have hurt him, but Marlon’s circle of influence is huge, and his reputation for caring is unparalleled.

A great nation, France, fell to the enemy with unanticipated ease in World War Two. One of France’s leaders, Henri Petain, later explained the tragedy as he saw it, “Our spirit of enjoyment was greater than our spirit of sacrifice. We wanted to have more than we wanted to give. We tried to spare effort, and we met disaster.”

In this ever changing world where time races by with so much to do, it is my hope that we will all strengthen our relationships and serve each other “just because.”